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Helpful Articles:
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Families are not All Alike Today there are many different kinds of families. Many children do live in two-parent families but blended families have become much more common. Children may have family relationships with stepsisters, adoptive parents, foster siblings, two mommies, half brothers, grandparents as parents, and more. Communicating With Your Child Even in the best of circumstances a family that is different to others can be hard on a child. There may be teasing at school, awkward silences or uncomfortable stares. When a family tries to hide differences from a child, she may sense something is wrong. Filling in with her imagination may be worse than the truth: "Mommy must be sick." Other children may find their situation shameful and feel there is something 'wrong' with their family and with themselves. Your child needs to know that he is safe and secure in his family. Try to be aware of and respond to his feelings. Acknowledge how much you love him and be open and truthful about the differences in your family. Your child will fare best when there are no secrets and he can ask questions. Acknowledge your child's fears and help him talk about his thoughts and feelings. Be patient and supportive as problems come up at school or at home. Be honest with your child about your own feelings and recognize your child's challenges in being a part of your family. Reassure him that you can handle these challenges together. Ages and Stages For the most part, children don't begin to really notice differences until preschool age. Often children will simply describe what they see - Jessica's skin is brown or Ben lives with two moms and no dad. You can simply agree with your child's observation; "You're right. He lives with his grandparents and you live with your Mom and Dad." In elementary school children begin to understand that being different has consequences. Your child may be experiencing what it is like to be the only one to have a family like hers. She may feel embarrassed or angry or withdrawn. Try to be as responsive as possible by initiating discussions. Ask her if there has been any teasing lately, or if there is anything you can do to make the situation more comfortable for her. Remind her you are always available to talk.
Transitions While some children spend all their lives in the same family, still others must adjust to divorce, remarriage, foster care, new siblings, or other changes in living arrangements that can be very unsettling. While every family situation is unique, there are certain steps you can take to help you and your child handle the challenge.
Routines - as your family adjusts to change, try to keep familiar weekend schedules, mealtimes and other routines to provide a sense of sameness for your family. Comfort Items - for any child who might be apprehensive about going back and forth between two homes or is making a move, a favorite toy, blanket or even a special photo can ease the anxiety. Quiet Time - whether your child is coming to visit, returning home again, or moving in, be sure to include settling in time to help her to adjust. Try not to ask endless questions but do give special one- on-one time by having a snack, unpacking a bag, or exploring your home. Space - reassure your child which room or part of a room is his, that his possessions will be safe and respected there, and that you will ensure him some privacy. Be sure he does not feel he is a visitor. Family Traditions - whether it's rituals you inherit or make up as you go along, families need their own traditions and customs to bind them together. Counseling - there are many fine workshops or programs that can provide you with helpful tools and a deeper understanding of your family's needs. Resources Noel, Brook. The Single Parent Resource. Beverly Hills: Champion Press, 1998. Artlip, Dr. Mary Ann and James A., and Saltzman, Earl S. The New American Family. Lancaster, PA: Starburst, Inc., 1993. Blau, Melinda. Families Apart. New York, NY: G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1993. Engber, Andrea and Klungness, Leah. The Complete Single Mother. Holbrook, MA: Adams Media Corporation, 1995. The AARP Grandparent Information Center serves grandparents who are raising children, grandparents concerned about visitation rights, and grandparents wanting to have a positive role in children's lives. Write to AARP Grandparent Information Center, 601 E Street, NW, Washington, D.C. 20049, or call 202-434-2296 or email gic@aarp.org. Foster Parent Associations (FPAs) offer a wide range of support and assistance to members. The easiest way to find the FPA for your area is to contact your local Child Care Services office. The Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples offers information on parenting options, partners' interviews, and resources and newsgroups. Write to Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples, Box 9685, Seattle, WA 98109-0685, or call 206-935-1206, or use the website www.buddybuddy.com.
Reprinted with permission from The Daily Parent. The Daily Parent is published 4 times a year. The Daily Parent is prepared by the National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies, Washington, DC and funded by the Citigroup Foundation. If you would like to order past issues, visit Child Care Aware's web site www.childcareaware.org or call 202-393-5501 ext. 113. For more information about choosing and using child care and before and after school care, call the Child Care Resource and Referral Agency which serves your community. To find the number of the CCR&R in your area, call: Child Care Aware 1.800.424.2246
The National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies
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Prepare Your Child - talk about an impending change a few days ahead of time and keep it positive.
